Sunday, 6 January 2013

Back to it.....Mother Knows Best???

Remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  You can however choose to be a good-enough parent or choose to be a self-obsessed parent who will not learn or adapt.     

Tomorrow is back to the daily routine of sorting out school uniforms, falling asleep while I sit drinking my morning coffee, school run, household shopping, what feels like endless cleaning and tidying, sorting things out, blind confusion of what the hell am I really supposed to be doing(?), and quite often, wondering why I bother.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my family.  It is difficult however to sometimes not feel consumed by everything to do with running a home, being a mother and wife.

One of the hardest things I am learning/experiencing in life is; how to run a home.
Generally we women learn from our mothers when it come to running a family home.  That is unless you are from; a wealthy family where mummy has maids to do such things, or your mother just didn't run your family home.  My experience growing up was of the latter.  I was embarrassed when people would visit the house, it was totally unkempt.  Now before you go thinking I'm OCD, I'm not just talking about a little dust.  The kitchen would go for weeks with out getting the work surfaces cleaned properly (just a quick wipe of a cloth was the norm), the bathroom, well we are talking months between cleans.

As I got older I was the only person who vacuumed, done regular dusting (around the clutter) grudgingly cleaned the kitchen out of disgust and the bathroom. Cigarette ash and dog hairs everywhere.  My mother didn't do routine house work, my father a spineless wimp was scared to do anything in case he incurred the wrath (I was also very, very scared of this) for not doing it how she would do it!!  When I was in my 20's and had moved out to live on my own (which mother dearest did not like) my father would pay me to come clean the house when he was due visits from his bosses in England.
Also bill's were not paid and money would "go missing" from their bank account!!  My father I am guessing to this day still chooses to remain in denial / a sleep walker regarding my mothers methods and ways. 

Parents underestimate what, and how much their children learn or don't learn from them.  Not learning is a form of learning.  You learn the negative behavior, which is perceived as having not learned. 

As a child I can not stress how important it is to have a routine of some sort; for your parent to have routine for you to absorb, learn from and use as a point of reference in your own adult life.

As an adult I have been struggling,  I know how I do not want to do things and how I do not want to be, watching my mother taught me this.  I had no other female role models of influences as I was somewhat of a child and teenage Hermit.  I guess I'll keep going discovering my own ways, methods and sort of routines and hope that my girls learn some positives from me and their Daddy.