A ramble about me

Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognise the person looking back at you?  Feeling the need to do a double take!

"Oh my goodness!  Who is this looking back at me?  Is this me?  Is this how I look?"

My  face and its features aren't the way I imagine them to be. I'm just doing my thing day to day thing and I don't look the way I imagine in my head I look.
I am not 18-21 anymore, that is not me.  Yet for some reason that is the image of my face that I have in my mind!
I am wearing well so far, in my 31st year of living in this body.  Its been through some pretty rough times and has the scars to show for it but it is still here, working away for me.  I wish I had taken better care of it when I was younger and I would like to do so now!
I exercise, I don't drink enough water, drink too much coffee and smoke about 5 roll-ups a day!

I am a secret smoker, only a select number of people know I smoke!

Why?

Because I am ashamed of it, it is dirty and smelly but (yes, but) I do enjoy it at night time when the children are in bed!  I only started smoking when I was 21 as a social/stress induced thing. My other half had no idea, he was not part of the select at the time.
 I stopped when pregnant.  Then started again about 2 years ago!
I have gone with out for days and on occasion weeks but what can I say, I enjoy chilaxing of an evening with my roll-up.