Human Bacteria.

Humans are like big bacteria.  There are good and there are bad.

The bad are;
Consuming
Ravaging
Selfish; if you could call bacteria selfish, they don't care what they are doing or who they are doing it to.
I would love to see less of the bad human bacteria.

Money.....Blegh!!

That’s it!!   I've had it completely. Lessons learned, I fell into the Hire Purchase trap during some (yes more than one) moment of madness.

What was I thinking??

I wasn't thinking!!

I was desperate an wanting things, the “now not later” attitude.  Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't of been shocked with an unexpected hike in the payments.

Plodding along nicely £45 payments then “BOOM”……£75!!! WHAT!!

Well that totally threw me off.

Me being me a serial procrastinator didn't phone to ask.....but I was going to.

I would really like a job so, so much.  One which fits in with my children's schooling as I have no child care and neither can I afford it.  Even if i were working the cost of child care would be the price of you wage... so basically I would be working in order to pay people to look after my children.  So many people do this it is scary. The more I speak to people about child care the more I realise this being a reality.

Pah! To their human rights!

Yes why?

Sod their human rights!  They stole the rights of children!

Uh! Yes I'll do it tomorrow!

Procrastination

I know there are things to be done, yet I will consciously put them off!

Now, what is my theory behind this?
Why do I chose to do this?

There is a reason, which some would say  is more than likely unimportant and not a factor in my changing this habit...but, I think is is quite important to understand or to have knowledge about the why, in order to change the habit.

I know I am very capable of doing what I should do or need to do.

Yet I put it off!

Why?

Better things to do?

More important things to do?

Not really!

Do we who indulge in procrastination like to suffer and punish ourselves?
It is nothing other than punishment of the self when you have the thought scrapping at the back of you mind of what needs doing, yet you chose to put it off.......

Who's got the Look?

Looks are deceptive.
Just as first impression are.
Someone can keep a public persona going for quite some time, Until it drops.

The media!

What is it saying to us?

You don't want a woman.....you want a doll.

Dimples and bumps,
Curves and ripples.
A woman's body is a thing of beauty.

Having been obese myself and the extreme opposite, anorexic, neither of them are beautiful.  A face can be beautiful but the body not.

As a friend of mine once said though " but-her-face"!!

Let it flow

A man I met once through a friend said to write 3 pages every morning.

"It clears the mind and leaves you feeling refreshed".

I haven't written in some time......

"Even if you have nothing to write, write about not knowing what to write about".

I loved writing, it was an outlet.  A very important one at that.
Things flow, things are released.

I hate scrimping and the subconscious though of..."is there enough in the bank?"

Where does money go?

Food really is not cheap.  No wonder so many families are living in poverty.

Eat fruit and vegetables they say.
The pre-packaged stuff which costs £1 generally tastes like crap.  Watery force grown muck.
Then lets face it the £1 items are not aimed at the affluent class, are they!

Poor people = poor quality food = keep them malnourished and dumb.
So it is.....the organised and planned social structure.

Keep the gap between the classes.  Indeed that seems to be what is happening, or should I say what is continuing to happen since the dawn of "civilized" culture!!

Stuck in The Trap

Time; what does it mean to you?

Stop: think about this for a moment.

The obvious; it enables us to get to work on time; get the kids to school on time; set appointments.

Time as we know it; the 24 hour clock is a man made time.

How long does a minute really last?

"Modern time"; the rush of it, seems to cause so much ill health.  People are constantly rushing to "beat" time.  Stressing about deadlines etc.

People in Western Civilization are taking less "time out" and getting stuck in the "Time Trap".

Modern Legal System is a JOKE!

I am so shocked by what is being allowed to go on in the world by so call professional people in charge of the modern legal system.
I just read an article in the paper about an 18 year old who was spared jail having raped a 13 year old girl!!! Why, because the strict Islamic faith school he went to had left him ignorant of British law and taught him that women were worthless! This happened in Nottingham!  What a joke!!
This along police checks being seen as a breach of human rights!!
What about the rights of innocence?  Sure never mind them 'eh!
Rant Rant!

British Debt and Poverty.

What is happening here?  There are so many loop-holes causing the problem.
Here is one.

Nearly £60 million in Child Benefit and Child Tax Credits are going to thousands of children who don't even live in the UK.

Tax payers are paying the more than £1 million a week to 47,000 children in the EU.  More than 60% of this is going to families living in Poland.   80% of 40,171 getting Child Benefit living in Eastern Europe with two thirds  going to Poland.

A Government source blamed "Labour's failure to impose transitional controls on member state in 2005".
What do our Coalition Government intend to do about this?

Overdrafts The Vicious Circle of Our Modern Times

How many of you live life in your overdraft??

I would like a  +1 for everyone living life in the Overdraft.

You get your pay, only for the vast majority of it or all of it to be eaten up by that greedy little (or large) overdraft.

Once you enter into this routine it seems impossible to escape from it.  You have bills coming out, you need to feed yourself and your family, to keep warm and have electric.  All these paid for (and maybe a sneaky coffee here and there) and what is there left to save when you live on the minimum wage!

 

Government its Bad Times - Heat, Light or Food.

People Love a Drama.

It is all good for those who can say "Oh dear that is awful" then quickly immerse themselves away in their own version of reality and quickly forget what is going on all around them.

From the very ridiculous drama on Eastenders or Coronation Street to the drama of the recent snow fall, which in reality wasn't that bad, there has been worse.

Most people just love to get the feathers in a flap over something.

Real-life drama accompanies the drop in temperatures which come with the the recent snow fall something that people should be concerned about.

On Friday 18th January 2013 The Daily Express ran a front page article titled "SNOW CHAOS TO LAST THREE DAYS" in which Met Office forecaster Robin Thwaytes said that David Cameron had been warned of the severity of the threat.   In the same article continued on page 5 Age UK stated that; there are an extra 8,000 deaths for every degree drop in temperature, even during mild winters.

What exactly was David Cameron being warned going to do for the people who cannot afford to buy heat for their homes??

Did David Cameron and his colleges go set up or see that emergency heat was given to these people in need?
Did they see to it that there was warm shelter for them to take if they could not afford or were not able to heat their homes??

No I doubt this very much.
The UK government seem to care very little for these people.
I am not just talking unemployed people here.
I'm talking working people / families who are just able to get by, with a choice of, food, electric or heat.  It can only be one or two of these three essentials not all!!  And in cold weather like there has been these are not the kind of choices you take lightly.
It was only a few years ago my husband and I were in that situation.  My husband working, two young daughters and the fact that we could not buy food (just enough to do), electric and gas together.  We had to make a choice.  Therefore we saw ourselves go for stretches of two weeks on several occasions during the winter of 2010 with out heat in our home.  Bad times.

So are we going to have to keep on contending with rising gas / oil prices so more people can die or become seriously ill due to cold in their own homes or will the "powers that be" in government cap prices?
No don't be silly there is too much money to be made.

One branch of my family are quite "well off", when I visit them their heating is on full blast and if it gets a little warm they open a window..........with the heating still on!



I am thankful for my husbands wage and our overdraft, which we live in more often than not.

East Belfast Riots

It would seem that in true media form that the Protestant community are getting bad press concerning the riots in East Belfast.
Over the past years since the "Peace Process" has been in swing any trouble taking place has been widely publicized as the Protestants doing.

This must be questioned.  As the Republican / Nationalist movement has been very well equipped with the ability to cry the innocent down trodden victim.

It would be naive to blame one side of the community more than the other but the media have become quite fond of blaming the Protestant communities; this is more than likely due to the lack of well spoken public speakers within Protestant communities.  The Nationalist /Republican communities are very well versed and primed as to what to say when it comes to any sort of incident.

What do people want to see in this country of Northern Ireland?  What do they want Northern Ireland to be?



Community.  We are all human-beings.  A world wide Community of human-beings.  A world wide Community of human-beings trying to Oppress, Beat and Murder the difference out of each-other.

  

Awesome Love

                       

Awesome,

Heart melting,

Heart-felt.........LOVE,

Amazing,

Watching my babies

Grow into little ladies.

Stubbing it out

Well, after thinking about it and wanting to for some time now I am choosing to give up smoking.

I will miss it........Once the kids were in bed I enjoyed sitting of an evening, hand-rolling a cigarette.
I will not however miss the smell it would leave lingering nor the paranoia of me smelling like a big stinky cigarette butt.  

A secret smoker, only a few knew that I indulged in the dirty habit.  That's what it is... a smelly, dirty, life degenerating habit.  Yet I still smoked.

Well, the choice is in my hands.
I chose to smoke or not smoke.
None of this "I can't" crap.  If you want to do it you'll choose to do it!!
For me, my kids (who don't know I smoked) and a long and happy time to grow old with my family.

I can.

Eating Disorders - Life awaits you

I had an eating disorder. Already indulging in self-harm and banging my head on my bedroom wall from the age of 11, my eating disorder began when I was 11 almost 12 years old, during the 1994 summer holidays when I developed a habit of drinking lots of diet cola and eating only bowls of breakfast cereal.  I lost half a stone by doing this and went from 12 stone to 11.5 stone.  I was very proud of myself.

Then when school began again I resumed my normal habit of eating for comfort; eating eased and helped me get through stress and while doing the eating it suppressed anxieties.  Along with eating the man sized portions my mother would serve me at meal times.
During the new school year (still aged 12) I discovered that I could still enjoy eating, yet "get rid" of the food by vomiting, which I felt was amazing, it was my special, secret way of controlling something.........I was "in-charge".  This feeling of being in-charge is a rue that the devious illness of a eating disorder gives the sufferer.
So this went on for another and another year in secret  until, when I was 14 and at my heaviest I was just hitting 15 stone and wearing men's 32 inch waist jeans, the vomiting became noticed and was put down to some sort of stomach bug by my parents, which I happily went along with, I could vomit, no questions asked and I stopped school due to the "illness".  All good I thought!   At this point I began to reduce my food intake while still vomiting and I lost some weight, the doctors became involved in finding out what was wrong, blood tests etc, etc.  No mention of an eating disorder!!   In 2 months I had lost 3 stone in weight.
It was a mystery.  Daisy loved her food, so there must be something......a physical illness of some sort, but it came to a stand still.  Weight continued to drop and I was loving the "control" I had over my body, I had power, the feeling of being "in-control" is immense when you are in the midst of eating disorder.  Exercise began, 100 sit-ups a day, in my mind I was living a dream.  All the while the self-harm was continuing, hidden, my secret way of coping with what the eating disorder seemed not to help with.

Anorexia was eventually diagnosed, with shock and horror from family.
I was consumed and  I loved it.................BOOM!   I wanted to die! Age 15.  A slow, steady death, with me "in-control" 'til the end!

Feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts had been waving in and out of my mind for a few years.


I did get the feeling then and now (looking back) my mother quite enjoyed me being ill.  It gave her some power, she referred to me as her little doll.
I was told at age 16 after blood tests and weighing in at 4 stone 5 lb, I had roughly a week until organ failure, I refused hospital and my mother wouldn't let me go in either.  Bed rest!!
I knew there was more, life was waiting for me but I needed to breath.


When I was 12 I attempted to hang my-self in my bedroom, when it didn't work out I sat on the floor and cried hard.  I looked at my body and wished I could cut it all away.  I hated home, hated school, hated my-self with repulsion.  Not just for the way I looked but for everything. My lack of friends/social life and my art work was never good enough!  The things you think went you are in that place.
I was so alone and my parents were so preoccupied with baggage from their childhoods and marital problems.  I did try talking to them but was told in these words when it came to a lack of friends "You don't try hard enough"(father).........."You are to judgmental of people"(mother).


I wish I could go back in time to that child and give her a big hug.  Hold her and cry with her.  Tell her things will be good.

Back to it.....Mother Knows Best???

Remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  You can however choose to be a good-enough parent or choose to be a self-obsessed parent who will not learn or adapt.     

Tomorrow is back to the daily routine of sorting out school uniforms, falling asleep while I sit drinking my morning coffee, school run, household shopping, what feels like endless cleaning and tidying, sorting things out, blind confusion of what the hell am I really supposed to be doing(?), and quite often, wondering why I bother.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my family.  It is difficult however to sometimes not feel consumed by everything to do with running a home, being a mother and wife.

One of the hardest things I am learning/experiencing in life is; how to run a home.
Generally we women learn from our mothers when it come to running a family home.  That is unless you are from; a wealthy family where mummy has maids to do such things, or your mother just didn't run your family home.  My experience growing up was of the latter.  I was embarrassed when people would visit the house, it was totally unkempt.  Now before you go thinking I'm OCD, I'm not just talking about a little dust.  The kitchen would go for weeks with out getting the work surfaces cleaned properly (just a quick wipe of a cloth was the norm), the bathroom, well we are talking months between cleans.

As I got older I was the only person who vacuumed, done regular dusting (around the clutter) grudgingly cleaned the kitchen out of disgust and the bathroom. Cigarette ash and dog hairs everywhere.  My mother didn't do routine house work, my father a spineless wimp was scared to do anything in case he incurred the wrath (I was also very, very scared of this) for not doing it how she would do it!!  When I was in my 20's and had moved out to live on my own (which mother dearest did not like) my father would pay me to come clean the house when he was due visits from his bosses in England.
Also bill's were not paid and money would "go missing" from their bank account!!  My father I am guessing to this day still chooses to remain in denial / a sleep walker regarding my mothers methods and ways. 

Parents underestimate what, and how much their children learn or don't learn from them.  Not learning is a form of learning.  You learn the negative behavior, which is perceived as having not learned. 

As a child I can not stress how important it is to have a routine of some sort; for your parent to have routine for you to absorb, learn from and use as a point of reference in your own adult life.

As an adult I have been struggling,  I know how I do not want to do things and how I do not want to be, watching my mother taught me this.  I had no other female role models of influences as I was somewhat of a child and teenage Hermit.  I guess I'll keep going discovering my own ways, methods and sort of routines and hope that my girls learn some positives from me and their Daddy.

Belfast Riots / Protests

Well the Protesters are getting a bit of bad press regarding disrupting traffic, workers and shoppers.
It's been done many, many times before in the history of Belfast / Northern Ireland.  

It was more than likely foreseen that taking the flag down would cause problems in the way of protests and riots. So surely it could have been left until after christmas if the powers that be didn't want to have christmas all disrupted. More than likely it was chosen to be done now to make the protestants look as bad as possible.

What are the opinions of the Great British Public on the Main Land???

Planned Violence

Deputy First Minister, Martin McGuinness, says recent violence over the flying of the union flag at Belfast City Hall was orchestrated.


Well yes Martin.........I would say it more than likely was.  

Martin McGuinness is a man who should know planned violence when he sees it; since he's had quite a bit to do with planned violence / riots etc. himself over the years.

How many police officers have been injured during republican / nationalist violence???? Mmmmm!!! 

We could all bitch, nit pick point the finger and shake our heads and drag things up as much as we like but is isn't going to solve the problem here in this country.

The individuals in power in this country are not rational adults, they are;

1. big children
2. huffs
3. blackmailers
4. taking "back-handers"
5. have a major dose of "selective memory" syndrome thrown into the mix.

Not to mention that quite a few of them are ex-criminals / terrorists.  Now lets think on that one for a moment........?

Yes, third world country's have murderers, criminals and terrorists in power.  Not the western world................. Oh but Northern Ireland is the acception.  Main Land Britain don't really want us, I think they see us as a dirty little scab they would like not to be there.  Ireland don't really want us as they really can not afford us.  Plus where would all the unemployed get their unemployment benefit from??  Would they still want Britain to subsidize them with the Great British Pound???

Northern Ireland needs a political clear out!!

Breeding Hate

  

                           

                               

                                     Northern Ireland 

                                                                                  

             

LOOK at the HATE WE ARE BREEDING

It is the past being dragged into the future.  

No one moves forwards by dragging the past with them..........

Remember it do not hold onto it. 

Teach the the truth, not the myth. 

Hate breeds hate. 

Acceptance breeds acceptance.

Respect breeds respect.

Porn.......whats the craic?

Well it would seem as small and shapeless as possible.

Men love to believe that all the women in porn are "gagging" for it, horned up vixens who all "Ooooh!", "Ahhhh!" and "Oh yeah baby just like that"!

Now its all well and good as long as it is kept in perspective.  Props are used to make the girls / women look wet or to make it look like they are squirting like some sort of water fountain.  The scary thing is a lot of young people who are watching this believe it, take it as being reality.  Now this brings about an idea in females that they need to perform like the porn ACTRESSES do.  Cue the distorted body images my tits aren't facing out or up the right way, I've got cellulite, I'm not wet enough, the list could continue.  I was surprised and shocked though the other week at what was being classified as a fat or chubby girl on a porn site.  The girls / women being categorize as fat or chubby were of normal averaged size.  What is this saying to our young men and women?


These girls / women are being paid to do this.  Do they have much self-worth or respect for themselves?  Personally the jury is out on that one for me.  They can claim to be as confident and happy with themselves as they like, no one will really know the truth, maybe not even the women themselves.  It's kind of like the overweight person who declares they are very happy with the way they are and love themselves.  This maybe true, then again it may not.  Some people are very good at lying to themselves.


Slight Topic Divert - Air-Brushing
I remember going out with a guy, this one time he was intensively looking at a sloggy underwear advert on the back of a magazine; a row of women's bums in the sloggy knicker's, photo-shopped to the hilt.  He went on to disbelieve me when I told him that adverts such as that one (and all other's) are photo-shopped and air-brushed.  He thought it was all real and natural, the same guy also said to me one time "Why don't you wear a lot of make up? You should try it, it looks nice"  There will always be shallow people.

 Pornographic images have become quite the norm nowadays it would seem.  Most of our female Pop stars such as @Rihanna (to mention only one) and A ( B / C / D) List celebrities look like they are ready for a soft porn shoot.  Which I do find disturbing as our young children are idolizing these people.  Girls (increasingly younger) want to be and look like them and boys are coming to the belief that this is how girls and women should look and behave.
I have two young daughters and I don't expose them in our home to Pop videos or the mind numbing popular soaps.  Don't get me wrong I don't go about covering their eyes when we are out and about but  a hell of a lot of Pop videos are soft porn.  It's selling sex to children from, well birth if they are brought up viewing such things.



As individuals we need to assess what we allow to pass as the norm, we can't just put everything down to "Times are changing".